A House Divided Cannot Stand, But It Can Be Transformed: Holidays with the Family, God’s Way

Holidays can be a stressful time for many, including Christians. The tension often stems from unhealed traumas and triggers within the family. From uncomfortable comments to full-out arguments, it can be a time that thousands of people across the nation do not look forward to. Not to mention the anxiety leading up to the holiday and the thoughts of bowing out altogether. Even the most devout and long-standing Christians can struggle with family members, whether they are the source of tension or the ones trying to maintain peace.

If you are not looking forward to spending time with family for Thanksgiving or Christmas, you are not alone.

It raises the question: why do the most challenging people in your life sometimes seem to be your own family, even as a Christian? At times, it almost feels like God is stretching you through circumstances involving loved ones, whether it be your mother, father, siblings, cousins, grandparents, or in-laws. Whether you realize it or not, He placed you in that family to shift the family culture. If you are open to it, this season can provide opportunities for inner healing and familial restoration.

How God Uses Family for Growth

If you look at the Bible, you will see that God is the ultimate creator and sustainer of the family. It is no coincidence that He fashioned male and female to become a mother and father and gave them the ability to reproduce within the union of marriage. God placed aspects of His character—love, care, and provision—into mothers and fathers to reflect His goodness. His creation demonstrates His deliberate design. His perfect will for humanity was for unbroken, healthy family structures. However, through the disobedience of Adam and Eve, sin entered the world, creating consequences that continue to affect families today.

The breakdown of family did not begin with your household; it began in the garden of Eden. Sin distorted the image of what a mother and father were meant to reflect about God. Adam and Eve’s choices profoundly affected their children, and by the next generation, violence emerged, as seen in the story of Cain and Abel. From generation to generation, sin has challenged families, preventing them from reflecting God’s perfect design. Humanity became sons and daughters of the world, living in rebellion, rather than sons and daughters of God walking in righteousness.

However, God desired for us to be part of His family. Ephesians 1:5 says, “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.” God loved us so much that He gave His Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem humanity, so that anyone who believes in Him would not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Through faith in Jesus and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we are adopted into His family. Romans 8:14 states, “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.”

Being part of God’s family gives us access to His promises. He will never leave or forsake us. Psalm 27:10 declares, “Though my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Understanding your identity in Christ is essential for navigating your biological family. Your foundation must be rooted in your relationship with God rather than solely in your family.

A House Divided Cannot Stand

We cannot ignore the sins and wounds that exist in families. Families can cause deep trauma, including emotional neglect, verbal abuse, favoritism, manipulation, or generational cycles of conflict. Many Christians experience increased tension when they dedicate their lives to Christ, and sometimes resistance comes even from other believers.

The enemy does not desire healthy, godly families. Jesus said in Matthew 12:25, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.” John 10:10 reminds us, “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” Jesus demonstrated His authority over spiritual oppression, casting out demons and bringing healing, and this power continues to operate today.

Not all family struggles are spiritual battles, but unhealed areas of life can allow oppression, resentment, or conflict to manifest. If God placed you in your family, it means you are a “game changer” for generational transformation.

Practical Steps to Prepare for the Holidays

1. Pray Without Ceasing

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

Fervent, consistent prayer has great power. Prayer is not just a response to crises; it is a proactive tool for changing hearts and circumstances. Start praying weeks before the holidays, continue during family gatherings, and follow up afterward. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

2. Read the Word of God

Psalm 119:105 states, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Scripture provides guidance and clarity for navigating difficult family interactions. Questions like “Should I speak up or remain silent?” or “How do I explain my faith?” require wisdom from God’s Word and the discernment of the Holy Spirit.

3. Stay Alert

1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” This does not mean living in fear but maintaining spiritual awareness. Challenges may arise that test your faith, character, or patience. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

As Paul instructs in Ephesians 6:14-18, we are to stand firm in truth, righteousness, and faith, equipped with the full armor of God, praying and relying on the Holy Spirit to navigate every situation.

Last Thoughts

The holidays can be challenging, but they also offer opportunities for personal and generational healing. Root your identity in Christ, pray fervently, read the Word, and stay alert. Remember, God can use even difficult family dynamics to shape you, heal you, and expand His kingdom through your life.

Let me know—are the holidays stressful for you? What strategies have helped you navigate family dynamics with grace and faith?