Christian Women and Relationships: Protect Your Faith and Avoid Abuse

Every now and then, I hear conversations about what Christian women should and should not tolerate in relationships and marriages. Unfortunately, many churches still operate under old theology that centers around man rather than Christ. This outdated theology fuels physical oppression and inflicts deep spiritual wounds on its victims. Before I continue, it is important to clarify that individuals who participate in or enable abuse act on their own accord and not according to God’s Word. These are the people Jesus described in Matthew 15:8-9:

“‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’”

Such individuals do not truly know Jesus, nor are they genuine representatives of Christ, and God will hold them accountable. Remember that their choices are not a reflection of Christ’s character and what He has called us to do. I will say that redemption is possible through God, but victims are not obligated to endure harm while waiting for change.

I want to share the true character of Jesus, how to prevent yourself from ending up in abusive situations, and provide godly counsel on how to leave them when necessary.

Let me start by saying that Jesus deeply loves and cares for those who have been mistreated. That is why He urgently speaks this in Matthew 11:28-30 (AMP):

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.”

The religious leaders of that day did little to lift burdens from the people and often took advantage of them. Jesus corrected them on numerous points, including their hypocrisy, legalism, pride, exploitation of the vulnerable, misinterpretation of Scripture, and their focus on outward appearances rather than the heart. Jesus is the defender of those who are weak and genuinely seeking God. The religious leaders in Jesus’ time were no different from some of today’s leaders who teach theology that strays from God’s heart. He even cautioned:

“Let them alone: they are blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”

Let them fall in their own ditch.

Do not let anyone convince you that a woman who tolerates abuse is a true woman of God. A Woman Who Fears The Lord reveres Him and honors His commands above the commandments of man. Matthew 10:28 says:

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather be afraid of God, who can destroy both body and soul in hell.”

There is a far greater consequence to disobeying God than disobeying man, especially when man is leading you away from His path. Nothing can come before God—not a man, family members, pastors, church members, money, career, media, or anything. Certainly not someone who is abusing you.

So, what does God want you to do if you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive? Let’s look at John 8:1-11:

“But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them.

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group.

They said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.

In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’

They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.’

Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

Jesus straightened up and asked her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’

‘No one, sir,’ she said.

‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’”

He wants you to leave your life of sin, period. Do not be complacent; make wise and strategic moves.

Jesus could have focused on all the ways she sinned and how her desires that led her to sin were placed above God. Instead, He responded with truth and mercy.

Dating Someone Showing Signs of Abuse?

If you are dating someone and see signs of abuse, 2 Timothy 2:22-24 says:

“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

With wisdom and good counsel, walk away from the toxic pull of manipulation, anger, power, and control. “Flee the evil desires” means to walk away from anything that breaks your spirit and to move toward what nurtures righteousness, faith, love, and peace. God calls you to a life where you’re surrounded by people who reflect His heart.

Abuse can take many forms, defined as treating a person with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly. 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us what true love looks like:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

If you cannot replace your partner’s name with the word love and it reflects the qualities above, continual patterns of derogatory comments or violence are serious causes for concern. Invite a trusted godly friend or mentor to help identify blind spots.

If you are drawn to abusers, or they are drawn to you, it may indicate unhealed areas of your heart. Repent and ask God for healing and help. Do not fear deliverance—it is a gift from God that frees you from spiritual oppression.

Married to Someone Showing Signs of Abuse?

If you are married potentially harming you, the invitation of Matthew 11:28 (NKJV) still stands:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Luke 14:25-27 (MSG) further instructs:

“Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one’s own self—cannot be my disciple. Anyone who won’t shoulder his own cross and follow behind me cannot be my disciple.”

This means releasing the hold the abuser has on your heart, getting to the place of obedience to Christ so you can open yourself to receive the help and support you need to move forward with confidence and healing.

Whether or not divorce is the right step is between you and God. The first priority is to run to Him and to godly people for refuge while you address the areas that need healing. God’s Word, prayer, and wise counsel are your safest guides in navigating abusive relationships.

As a reminder, the guidance shared in this blog is meant to encourage and inspire you spiritually. It is not a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical advice.

If You Are Experiencing Abuse or Emotional Distress:
Please seek help immediately from a licensed counselor, therapist, or a trusted support organization. Reaching out for help is a courageous and wise step.

National Domestic Violence Resources (U.S.):

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• Website: thehotline.org

Faith Reminder:
God wants you safe, whole, and cared for. Seeking professional support does not diminish your faith—it is a step toward healing and restoration.