Sexless Marriages: How to Restore Intimacy - A Christian Perspective

Did you know that 15–20% of marriages in the United States are classified as sexless? That’s a surprisingly high number, and it’s something that deserves attention. Today, we’re diving into sexless marriages, exploring why they happen, and offering biblical guidance to help restore intimacy in your marriage.

What is a Sexless Marriage?

A sexless marriage is generally defined as a marriage in which a couple has sexual relations ten times or fewer in a year. In other words, intimacy may only happen a few months out of the year, leaving long stretches without physical connection.

Other terms you might hear include:

• Dead bedroom: emphasizes lack of passion.

• Dry marriage: minimal or no sexual intimacy.

• Unconsummated marriage: a couple that has never had sexual intercourse.

• Platonic marriage: strong emotional connection, but no sexual intimacy.

• Companionship marriage: focuses on companionship and shared responsibilities rather than sex.

• Ceasefire marriage: when a couple temporarily or permanently stops sexual relations.

No matter what label is used, the trend is concerning. God created sex for a husband and wife to enjoy each other. It’s meant to be the cherry on top of a deep, romantic, emotional, and fulfilling marital relationship.

How Did We Get Here?

Sexless marriages aren’t just a modern problem. They’re affecting Christian marriages too. I remember a male colleague once told me he didn’t want a woman “too into her faith” because his friend’s marriage was sexless. Curious, I asked more questions.

It turned out that the wife’s prayer life, guided by her pastor, was taking up a lot of her time. But the real issue wasn’t prayer. Tt was that the couple was likely unequally yoked, and that created tension that manifested in their sex life. The takeaway? In a godly marriage, the hierarchy should be God first, then husband, then everything else.

Spiritual warfare is real, and Satan does not want stable, godly marriages. When a couple is unequally yoked, the foundation is shaky, creating unnecessary struggles. My advice to singles: wait for the one God has for you. Don’t settle for a counterfeit—marry the promise.

Top Reasons for Sexless Marriages

1. Being Unequally Yoked

2 Corinthians 6:14 says:

"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"

Marrying someone who doesn’t share your faith can create spiritual challenges and strain intimacy. This isn’t grounds for divorce, but it’s a root cause of many sexless marriages.

2. Pettiness and Conflict

Some spouses withhold sex as a form of punishment or because of unresolved conflicts. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 reminds us:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

Resentment has no place in a thriving marriage. Let love lead, not grudges.

3. Not Communicating Needs

Many couples fail to communicate their sexual needs. The Bible reminds us, “You have not because you ask not.” If you want a fulfilling sex life, speak up respectfully and lovingly—don’t expect your spouse to read your mind.

4. Unwillingness to Compromise

Differences in libido, timing, or preferences can create tension if neither partner is willing to compromise. Pride can worsen this. Be willing to meet in the middle and consider professional counseling if necessary.

5. Being Too Busy or Tired

Work, children, social obligations, and daily stress can push intimacy to the back burner. When life becomes too busy, marriage can unintentionally become sexless.

6. Pornography and Addiction

Pornography or other addictions can interfere with marital intimacy, create resentment, and even lead to divorce. Recovery is possible through God, therapy, and accountability.

7. Physical or Health Limitations

Health issues, hormonal changes, medication, trauma, or mental health challenges can affect libido or sexual ability. Compassion, therapy, and prayer are crucial in addressing these obstacles.

How to Restore Intimacy

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (NLT) provides clear guidance:

"The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to abstain temporarily for prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not tempt you due to lack of self-control."

1 Peter 3:7 (AMPC) reminds husbands:

"Live considerately with your wives, honoring them as joint heirs of God’s grace, so your prayers may not be hindered."

Ephesians 5:22-23 (AMPC) instructs wives:

"Be subject to your own husbands as a service to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church."

Building a thriving marriage requires humility, love, communication, and obedience to God. Reading and applying the Word of God (James 1:22) strengthens your foundation. Matthew 7:24-27 emphasizes building your marriage on Christ, the rock that will withstand any storm.

Prayer is vital. Invite God into your sex life. Ask for divine intervention if needed. For couples who are unequally yoked, 1 Peter 3:1 encourages wives to lead with godly conduct, potentially drawing their husbands closer to Christ and restoring intimacy over time.

Final Thoughts

Sexless marriages are more common than we realize, but they are not inevitable. Unequal yoking, poor communication, pettiness, unwillingness to compromise, busyness, addiction, and physical limitations are common factors.

With prayer, biblical guidance, and intentional effort, couples can restore intimacy and build a strong, God-centered marriage.

Let’s continue the conversation in the comments. Be kind and respectful as this is a sensitive topic for a lot of individuals. Share your story, testimonies, and encouragement.